This is apparently the most expensive movie of all time, and it shows: James Cameron’s Avatar. Here are our five points.

1) If someone decides to give James Cameron another half-billion dollars or whatever to make a sequel, which I’m sure they will, he should spend at least 3-5% of his budget hiring an actual writer instead of giving us three hours of George Lucasian cardboard characters that feel like they were churned out of a strip mall stereotype factory.

2) I have never felt so sorry for an actor trying so hard to make witless dialogue come to life as I did watching Sigourney Weaver gag out her lines as though they were made of Clorox.

3) If you’re going to do a take on Big Bad Militaristic Imperialists vs. Naturalistic Tribal Natives, at least give me a reason to give a shit when the village gets blown up.

4) The end of the movie was painfully, groan-inducingly obvious after the scene in which Ripley—I mean Grace—is mercifully killed off.

5) I’m sure the fancy lights and glowy creatures and fancy color stuff are very impressive if you never played Halo back in 2001.